My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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