Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
