some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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