I just saw a hot homeless man
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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