you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
