You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
