i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He keeps bees of course he's weird
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
