I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
