I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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