Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
