Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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