I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
