The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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