I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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