I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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