They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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