Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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