He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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