Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
