Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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