Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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