They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
