Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
