What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Houston, we have a blender
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
