He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
