I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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