Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
