he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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