My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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