well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
