It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
we should paint friendship bongs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
