well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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