First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
