Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
