May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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