Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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