Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
