I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
