Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
