need another drink. this is the easiest way
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
