I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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