didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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