I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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