he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize