Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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