please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
