This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
