Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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