Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
