Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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