My first STD was from a foam party
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
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why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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