I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
