Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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