You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
