I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
