your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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