I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So many bounce houses so little time
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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