she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
