So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
