This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
