His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
