You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
