Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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