thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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