umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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