That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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