I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
