Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
