I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
