Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
