apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
