the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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