No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
