its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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