Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
