Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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