when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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