Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
