dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
