I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
