I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
